The OFFICIAL (I've been told double asterisks bracketing the word "Official" denote officiality) EMB Asteroid Poll

1. Are you rooting for a cataclysmic asteroid to strike Earth and end this ill-conceived programme once and for all?
- No. I want to live.
  
  3
- Somewhat... but the notion of an asteroid striking our planet reminds me of the game of billiards and that hot Asian pool player Jeanette Lee, and that other hot Asian pool player Pan Xiaoting, and that no matter how intolerable the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, I can't imagine shuffling off this mortal coil until - no matter how remote the chance - I see these two mei nü yodel in each others' canyons.
  
  0
- Bring it on. But not the poser that killed the dinosaurs. I want a world-ender. Something no tree-dwelling shrew could survive and start the whole pointless process over again. Not only that, I want to be at center-mass of the impact. Give me coordinates and I'll be there. Don't just atomize me, but erase any evidence that I ever existed. Me and that rock-climbing dilettante, pseudo-herpetologist trollop. You know the **** I mean... the one that doesn't know Dibamidae from Gekkota and won't date you because because you're not religious enough. That old saw.
  
  3
- What's an asteroid? That thing I get when my poops are dry?
  
  1