Posted October 11, 20214 yr My Dad passed away 4 weeks ago yesterday from cancer. It's been very hard, but harder than I thought it would be. Does anyone know what I am going through? Did it get better eventually.
October 11, 20214 yr Sorry for your loss. My wife lost her mother in January of 2020 - it did get easier in some ways but she still isn’t the same. I think you just adapt and learn to live with it.
October 11, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, SPIDER-MAN said: My Dad passed away 4 weeks ago yesterday from cancer. It's been very hard, but harder than I thought it would be. Does anyone know what I am going through? Did it get better eventually. I’m so sorry for your loss man. And, yes, I know why you’re going through as I lost my dad to cancer in July 2020. I don’t know if easier is really the right word to use, but it does change over time and you learn to adjust to life without him. It is still a process for me where I have times (moments, days, or weeks) that I battle deep depression and a lack of drive to do anything but go to bed, but those times are growing shorter in general as I am learning ways to pick myself out of them…. I’m here if you every want to chat.
October 11, 20214 yr Spidey, I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Four weeks is nothing, your grief is still very fresh. As many here have said I don't think you will ever get over it but time will help you learn to live with it. Lost my Dad in 2014 suddenly. Heart attack @ 78. Then we were thrust into caring for our Mom who had diabetes, dementia, and could not be left alone. I felt like I didn't really mourn my Dad since I went directly into take care of Mom mode. She passed just a year later in 2015, 8 days after her 80th birthday. She didn't even know how old she was, or where she was. Her death actually brought me much peace. As hard as it is to see someone die of cancer, this dementia is the absolute worst, in my opinion. Of course Mr. Di (deceased May 2020) is the hardest yet to deal with, and I still am. I am feeling better though. I did a short stint on a grieving forum but man that place was sad, so I stopped going there after about a month. About 6 months ago I started on an anti depressant and it has also helped. Don't be afraid or feel shameful for asking for support. That's why it's there. I am here too, if you need.
October 11, 20214 yr I try not to talk about that stuff and block it out as best I can. It’s really unhealthy probably but gets you through the day
October 11, 20214 yr Spidey I'm really sorry for your loss. I haven't experienced a close loss yet but yes it'll get easier. Time is a great healer. I know that's a little cliche but hey they are clichés for a reason right? I know it's hard right now but focus on the good and remember the good times. And just let your path of mourning be what it needs to be. Don't resist or fight. Don't bottle it up. And as a forum we are here for you.
October 11, 20214 yr I've lost my brother to suicide and my dad to cancer. It is unrealistic to expect to completely rid yourself of grief. You have to learn to live with it, to compartmentalize it, to, every once in a while, allow yourself to re-visit it, but don't let it occupy your thoughts constantly. It is not healthy to have pictures out where you can see them frequently, at least not yet, in the short term. Not until you get to acceptance. You need to be happy they are where they are now. Yes you miss them, but they are in a better place, free from cancer, mental anguish, and the earthly body. Recognize the 7 stages of grief. Try to get some self-awareness as to where you are.
October 11, 20214 yr 1 hour ago, SNOORDA said: I try not to talk about that stuff and block it out as best I can. It’s really unhealthy probably but gets you through the day What works for one, may or may not work for another. I think everyone needs to grief in their own way. At present I'm in whatever stage it is when you want to set things on fire. . Until I get rid of some more stuff that is not needed, and when some other vile thing arises I have to do, I have this thought. The easy part is knowing I would never do anything like that, and the hard part is telling me I have something else to get past to make this thought stop.
October 12, 20214 yr @SPIDER-MAN Last year my father was found dead, sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand. His wife had been losing her memory for several years........ in the following days the old man died over 25 times as we would have to sit her down and tell her all over again...... sometimes only hours apart. It was emotionally draining to say the least. The thing that haunts me...... the night before...... he called me..... I didn't take the call because I was tired from a rough day and was thinking.....I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow and I will talk to him while I drive. His estate is resolved and closed..... everythinghas been taken care of....... and here I am a year later wondering what that last call would have been had I taken it. Without getting into more personal details ..... I have lost a few people some more difficult than others..... I speak of my father as it's the most recent. Time....... I have found to be the only answer. And that is dependent on the closeness and relationship of each person. Time to feel the pain.....time to heal.... time to relive the past.....time to find the joy of memories....time to put everything in perspective....... time to fill the void ( yes .... you eventually do so )...... time to move forward with your life in such a way that it no longer feels like a void but a special, personal place inside. Honestly I understand, and I sympathize. I hope that you have someone close to you that you can speak with as needed..... and if you feel that you do not...... by many of the responses above..... I believe you can speak with many of us.
October 13, 20214 yr I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my father to cancer 20 years ago. It sucks. But you woke up today, you'll wake up tomorrow, life goes on. You begin to put one foot in front of the next, then you start to walk, then run... It will get better but it will never be the same. There are still things I wish I could share with my dad. But I can't, and you learn to cope with that. Part of him is actually still there with me, his legacy, the things that he taught me. So he's gone in presence, but not entirely, and someday you'll see what I mean. Take time to grieve. Appreciate the time you had together. Use his spirit to guide you ahead.
October 13, 20214 yr On 10/11/2021 at 10:38 PM, Steve 17 said: @SPIDER-MAN Last year my father was found dead, sitting on the couch with the remote in his hand. His wife had been losing her memory for several years........ in the following days the old man died over 25 times as we would have to sit her down and tell her all over again...... sometimes only hours apart. It was emotionally draining to say the least. The thing that haunts me...... the night before...... he called me..... I didn't take the call because I was tired from a rough day and was thinking.....I have a long drive ahead of me tomorrow and I will talk to him while I drive. His estate is resolved and closed..... everythinghas been taken care of....... and here I am a year later wondering what that last call would have been had I taken it. Without getting into more personal details ..... I have lost a few people some more difficult than others..... I speak of my father as it's the most recent. Time....... I have found to be the only answer. And that is dependent on the closeness and relationship of each person. Time to feel the pain.....time to heal.... time to relive the past.....time to find the joy of memories....time to put everything in perspective....... time to fill the void ( yes .... you eventually do so )...... time to move forward with your life in such a way that it no longer feels like a void but a special, personal place inside. Honestly I understand, and I sympathize. I hope that you have someone close to you that you can speak with as needed..... and if you feel that you do not...... by many of the responses above..... I believe you can speak with many of us. I know someone else who did the same thing.... Ignore a call from a loved one that turned out to be the last ever phone call.... After hearing their story, I made it a point to either pick up or call my parents right back if I'm busy.
October 17, 20214 yr Over time the pain will lessen and come less frequently but it will never leave completely. Every once in a while it'll hit real hard again so when that happens, just know that it's normal and will settle down again for the most part as time goes by.
October 18, 20214 yr On 10/11/2021 at 3:41 PM, SNOORDA said: I try not to talk about that stuff and block it out as best I can. It’s really unhealthy probably but gets you through the day Pretty much what I do. My mom had a brain aneurysm when I was 13 and was basically a vegetable until she passed a month before my wedding when I was 26. Really battle hardened me from a young age. I just keep pushing forward and living life. No time to dwell. Over time it got easier and you remember happy times without feeling sad. My FIL passed right before Christmas last year. Wife struggled for a while but life moves on. There's times when you miss them, their advice and guidance. Honestly my kids keep me so busy I don't have much time to reflect on life past. I live my life to give them the best they can have. Me being a broken down mess is not an option.
October 18, 20214 yr 4 hours ago, rambo said: Pretty much what I do. My mom had a brain aneurysm when I was 13 and was basically a vegetable until she passed a month before my wedding when I was 26. Really battle hardened me from a young age. I just keep pushing forward and living life. No time to dwell. Over time it got easier and you remember happy times without feeling sad. My FIL passed right before Christmas last year. Wife struggled for a while but life moves on. There's times when you miss them, their advice and guidance. Honestly my kids keep me so busy I don't have much time to reflect on life past. I live my life to give them the best they can have. Me being a broken down mess is not an option. Yeah. And I don’t go to funerals anymore either because I found that memory sticks more than any other good ones. So f that when I die I’m going to be cremated and put into a giant sky rocket. I’m fun a put a couple grand aside for anyone close to me to all get together for a nice dinner party on an outside patio if a restaurant in the marina del rey where at a certain time I’ll have someone shoot my into the sky for everyone to celebrate sbother option to do the same as above but charter a night cruise with nice dinner and dancing party atmosphere no speeches. No moments of silence. Just fun.
October 18, 20214 yr I am finishing up a book about death that may help ya or someone else. It is an excellent book to read and recommend it. The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1250076749/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_glt_fabc_DBSY4M1ZH55BS2GB8BH0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
October 21, 20214 yr On 10/11/2021 at 11:49 AM, SPIDER-MAN said: My Dad passed away 4 weeks ago yesterday from cancer. It's been very hard, but harder than I thought it would be. Does anyone know what I am going through? Did it get better eventually. Lost my mom 34 years ago and my dad 24 years ago. It definitely get's easier but there are still times when I really miss them
October 21, 20214 yr On 10/11/2021 at 11:49 AM, SPIDER-MAN said: My Dad passed away 4 weeks ago yesterday from cancer. It's been very hard, but harder than I thought it would be. Does anyone know what I am going through? Did it get better eventually. I'm very sorry for your loss. The answer I have is, 'Not really'. However, eventually you have days where you can think about them and remember without falling back into mourning. It always hurts. The hole never goes away. What happens, I think, is you learn to live with it. After my mom passed (years after my dad) one of my sisters turned to me, "We're orphans now." Hit me like a kick in the nuts.
October 28, 20214 yr Sorry for your loss bro. As some others have said it never really gets easier per say, just different and you learn to live with it and go on. I lost my best friend since age 5 a few years ago, he died at 26 years old. It still pains me and I miss him terribly. But I try to carry his spirit with me and embody some of his best qualities when I can.
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