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Featured Replies

Posted

I have a new Dr closer to my house. This is my first physical since turning 40

I’m I going to be groped/probed today?

2 minutes ago, OCEaglefan said:

I have a new Dr closer to my house. This is my first physical since turning 40

I’m I going to be groped/probed today?

Sound like you already had/have a finger or two up in your butt!

50 is the biggie. That's when the wheels start coming off...<_<

  • Author
8 minutes ago, LacesOut said:

Sound like you already had/have a finger or two up in your butt!

and thanks for quoting it so I can’t fix it 

1 hour ago, OCEaglefan said:

I have a new Dr closer to my house. This is my first physical since turning 40

I’m I going to be groped/probed today?

JEEZ HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU JOINED THE EMB? 5 ?

  • Author

I joined right after the TO trade (when I realized the website had a message board). Senior year of college 

1 hour ago, OCEaglefan said:

and thanks for quoting it so I can’t fix it 

LOL Sorry!

I turned 50 last year. It sucks.

I have NOT had any Doctors grope me in any of my appointments. Yet.

1 hour ago, OCEaglefan said:

I joined right after the TO trade (when I realized the website had a message board). Senior year of college 

I went skydiving for the first time (18) the day I think it was in the papers (St. Patrick’s Day). 

  • Author

Nothing happened to my butt 

My blood pressure was a respectable 118/77

4 hours ago, OCEaglefan said:

I have a new Dr closer to my house. This is my first physical since turning 40

I’m I going to be groped/probed today?

When you wake up from all the butt stuff and the doctor takes off his lubed up gloves he might say "Everything went great. You may be a little sore for awhile,” then he leaves the room.  If the nurse walks in right afterwards and asks, "Who was that guy?” then it’s time to start panicking. 

4 hours ago, OCEaglefan said:

I have a new Dr closer to my house. This is my first physical since turning 40

I’m I going to be groped/probed today?

A few years ago I went for my first physical in a long time.  
 

 

He went right for my balls. 

I went for a physical earlier this year.  I'm now on Lipitor. <_<

Also had my first colonoscopy.  Butt stuff was had.  

2 hours ago, Agent23 said:

I went skydiving for the first time (18) the day I think it was in the papers (St. Patrick’s Day). 

I know it happened on a week day, because I was in the library for English class mu junior year of highschool. We were supposed to be researching for our term paper, but me and my buddy were on ESPN reading about it. Teacher came over to yell at us, but saw the headline so he sat down and started drawing formations on napkins :lol:

 

1 hour ago, paco said:

A few years ago I went for my first physical in a long time.  
 

 

He went right for my balls. 

Sounds like you went and saw bfit's dog instead.

Remind me to give you some detailed information about preparing for you youngsters up coming butt probe. ( actually I do believe I did give a detailed report on the day before to someone else on here aome time ago )

And to whomever mentioned it....... aye 50 is the point where your warranty starts to expire.

Or as one doc said it to me...... " guess what ? .... just like a car ......your body parts start to wear out. " 

To this day I still hate that effer for saying that...... because its true....... you may not see it right away..... but inside different stuff is getting ready to send warning lights to your dashboard.

1 hour ago, B3 said:

I went for a physical earlier this year.  I'm now on Lipitor. <_<

Also had my first colonoscopy.  Butt stuff was had.  

Are your eyebrows and Jalen Hurts’ eyebrows related?  (apologies in advance)

Jalen Hurts, A.J. Brown talk Eagles' win over the Lions - Bleeding ...
9 hours ago, Steve 17 said:

Remind me to give you some detailed information about preparing for you youngsters up coming butt probe. ( actually I do believe I did give a detailed report on the day before to someone else on here aome time ago )

And to whomever mentioned it....... aye 50 is the point where your warranty starts to expire.

Or as one doc said it to me...... " guess what ? .... just like a car ......your body parts start to wear out. " 

To this day I still hate that effer for saying that...... because its true....... you may not see it right away..... but inside different stuff is getting ready to send warning lights to your dashboard.

the but hole is easy access to your body's o2 sensor. 

Good for you guys looking out for your health. 

I had an HMO years ago that required a primary care doctors name on the application.  I didn't have one, so of course I went and got one. My medical history to age 55 was minimal.  I walked out of that visit with something like 9 orders.  As soon as I would do one, my phone would ring. Blood work, they called and put me on cholesterol med, and vitamin D. Dexa scan fail-osteoporosis in my left hip. Mammogram, fail. I didn't do anymore tests after that.  Once I was done the cancer treatment I did do the colonoscopy, lung scan which I passed.  My primary was seeing my every 4 months for one concern or another recently.  This last visit (Sept) NO concerns so I graduated to come back in 6 months!  Need to pass another mammogram next week, and 2023 will be 5 years cancer free and I should be able to quit one med.

Failing health was a bit traumatizing to me, and I still get anxious before appointments.  In between though, I just live the best life that I can.  I'm 61 and doing pretty well at the moment.

17 hours ago, B3 said:

I went for a physical earlier this year.  I'm now on Lipitor. <_<

Also had my first colonoscopy.  Butt stuff was had.  

just had my second colonoscopy. no polyps, still on the 10 year plan, BUT next time i’ll opt for the easy prep instead of the gallon jug prep. 

puns intended 

cavity-search-rubber-glove.gif

op gives nob

Because I couldn't find the old post. 

 So you're going to do your prep eh ?

  You get to drink some fun stuff. Drop an entire box of chalk into some milk. Add the most fake fruit flavor you can but only sparingly so you still tase the chalk.  Chug it down because sipping it like a pansy will just prolong the misery your tastebuds will have to endure. 

 Soon thereafter the real fun begins. I hope you have more than one bathroom in your house. Pro tip 1make sure you have more than one roll of tp close to the throne. Pro tip 2 :   Make sure these rolls are not down in the 80 grit sandpaper area. Pro tip 3 make sure your phone is charged..... or bring a book.

The rumbling you will feel in your stomach will have the initial ability to set off seismographs.  The cramping you will feel will make you consider that your God does not love you. You will definitely start projectile pooping shortly thereafter.  At some point you may feel that you are done but you are not done ......and you may even consider leaving the throne room but alas you are not done.

  Your next set of cramping will result in similar behavior however you will be questioning... Is this everything I ate for the last 2 weeks ?

 By now you will be experiencing numbness in your legs. When you have a moment be sure to get up and walk around....... but don't go too far because you're not done yet. 

 This next round will be will be a little less severe but you will start pondering if you are pooping stuff that your ancestors ate. Also by this point you will probably need to change your shirt due to the amount of sweating you will be doing. Don't forget to take a break and walk around... keep your circulation going. But again don't go too far.

 Now you're getting into the 4th 5th and 6th impossibly 7th waves........ these will also become less severe each time around. However by now your ahole is so raw that you wonder if you've been pooping razor blades that are on fire. You might even consider this is the time to write your last will and testament.  Now is not the time because your thoughts will not be truly organized.....Especially since your hatred for organized medicine and anyone working in the artificial flavor industry will be great.

 Eventually the waves will come to an end......  but if you live with family you still have one task to perform........ You got to clean that throne up after everything you did to it. I recommend skipping Comet and Ajax and just go right to CLR. 

 Congratulations you are ready to be probed.

@OCEaglefan

 From the looks of the posts above..... any of the below mentioned guys may have other thoughts to add on this experience.

@TV Guy @LacesOut @B3 @NCTANK

 

 

 

 

Once I turned 40 I went for physicals and cancer screenings, blood tests, all of it.  With cancer in my family history wanted to stay on top of it.  My doctor said some items I don't need to check until later but so far all good.  I had the prostate check and it was not at all like they show in the comedy movies.  It was really quick in-out (that's what she said).  Dr. said he can tell easily if it's enlarged or not (that's what she said) and the urine sample test results are part of what they look at so unless there's something concerning in those results then it's a quick check.  It wasn't nearly as awkward as him checking the boys.  Doc, buy me dinner first, amirite?

 

Only thing I will add is make sure you weigh yourself the morning of your procedure. You will be pleased. 

 

Try for a good appointment time.  I went in the early am which sort of sucked as I had to start the night before.  No dinner, however, I was done early and Mr. Di took me out for breakfast.

A later afternoon might work better if don't have to get up too early to start. Just watch that you can get a good night's rest and not miss another day's work.   Middle of the day would be the worst, as you would have to get up in the middle of the night to start your prep. I don't think I could do that.

Slow down what you ingest at least a week before for an easier emptying out.

 

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