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Lane Johnson posts personal message about depression & anxiety, returning to the field soon


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On 10/22/2021 at 3:48 PM, Big___Al said:

I made a similar comment on the Inquirer website last year, about Bryce Harper taking three games off for "paternity leave," when we still had a shot at the playoffs. Banned for life! I don't understand our society any more.

Well as you can see I took it a little to lightly and the following day my girlfriend went afk. I think I'm more upset at the money situation these athletes get and able to just take off when things get bad. I had finally got my girlfriend on my insurance, claiming common law marriage. Only to be let go by my job and rehired as a vendor for half the pay and no insurance. Now I'm back at square one trying to get her help. I'm just saying I had a lot to be depressed about past 8 years. Lost my marriage of 20 years, house and kids when turned 40. Lost my father, lost my career of 23 years due to corporate greed. Now in a roller-coaster ride of relationship  at 48. But I can't afford to feel sad and take off or I'll be on the streets.  Oh and watching this team play Iike this every week isnt helping either lol.

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3 hours ago, XoqTionR said:

Well as you can see I took it a little to lightly and the following day my girlfriend went afk. I think I'm more upset at the money situation these athletes get and able to just take off when things get bad. I had finally got my girlfriend on my insurance, claiming common law marriage. Only to be let go by my job and rehired as a vendor for half the pay and no insurance. Now I'm back at square one trying to get her help. I'm just saying I had a lot to be depressed about past 8 years. Lost my marriage of 20 years, house and kids when turned 40. Lost my father, lost my career of 23 years due to corporate greed. Now in a roller-coaster ride of relationship  at 48. But I can't afford to feel sad and take off or I'll be on the streets.  Oh and watching this team play Iike this every week isnt helping either lol.

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. All I can do to help is pray, and I hope things turn around for you.

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4 hours ago, XoqTionR said:

Well she came back Friday.  Immediately wanted to start cleaning. She starts one area, moves to another and never finish it. I have to have think skin and not be upset she ran of for 2 day's. I have to let a lot of nasty things she's says to me slide as well. When it's good it's good, but when it's bad it's bad. Glad she's home though. 

One thing my wife and I have researched - she's well aware of her issues and open to ideas to work on them - are with regard to how the ADHD brain works and when it comes to cleaning and tasks like that, it gets very overwhelming and their brain jumps from thing to thing and then bam, a bunch unfinished.

Some people suggest very visible lists like a dry erase board and you limit the to-do list to like 2 or 3 things.  Maybe even just 1 at a time.  "Put away laundry."  Then every time she's going from room to room she sees that reminder and oh that's right, I have to do that, that is what's priority.

Also breaking down instructions to smaller tasks.  Instead of "clean the kitchen" which can be overwhelming but also vague (everyone has their own idea of clean) you could ask more specific tasks.  "I need you to put the clean dishes away so that I can cook dinner."

I know it seems like being a parent or manager to her, but sometimes that's what it takes.  Or, just giving gentle reminders (not angry).  "Hey honey, don't forget we really need..."

Hang in there man I know it's not easy.

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4 hours ago, NOTW said:

One thing my wife and I have researched - she's well aware of her issues and open to ideas to work on them - are with regard to how the ADHD brain works and when it comes to cleaning and tasks like that, it gets very overwhelming and their brain jumps from thing to thing and then bam, a bunch unfinished.

Some people suggest very visible lists like a dry erase board and you limit the to-do list to like 2 or 3 things.  Maybe even just 1 at a time.  "Put away laundry."  Then every time she's going from room to room she sees that reminder and oh that's right, I have to do that, that is what's priority.

Also breaking down instructions to smaller tasks.  Instead of "clean the kitchen" which can be overwhelming but also vague (everyone has their own idea of clean) you could ask more specific tasks.  "I need you to put the clean dishes away so that I can cook dinner."

I know it seems like being a parent or manager to her, but sometimes that's what it takes.  Or, just giving gentle reminders (not angry).  "Hey honey, don't forget we really need..."

Hang in there man I know it's not easy.

Thanks for the advice. Everyone in her life has ditched her for it. I'm not someone who quits. She also don't see I'm only person accepting and patients for her condition. Yet I'm always treated the worst. Sometimes feel taken advantage of. I'll give some of your suggestions a try. I'm always frustrated cause I feel if we concentrate on one thing we'd get it something done. 

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5 minutes ago, XoqTionR said:

Thanks for the advice. Everyone in her life has ditched her for it. I'm not someone who quits. She also don't see I'm only person accepting and patients for her condition. Yet I'm always treated the worst. Sometimes feel taken advantage of. I'll give some of your suggestions a try. I'm always frustrated cause I feel if we concentrate on one thing we'd get it something done. 

I know it's tough. Let me know if you need to talk more, send me a pm.

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18 hours ago, XoqTionR said:

Well she came back Friday.  Immediately wanted to start cleaning. She starts one area, moves to another and never finish it. I have to have think skin and not be upset she ran of for 2 day's. I have to let a lot of nasty things she's says to me slide as well. When it's good it's good, but when it's bad it's bad. Glad she's home though. 

I know EXACTLY what you mean...having to approach everything with "Kid Gloves"...as no matter what you say or suggest, gets twisted into an insult or attack...It's a horrible feeling for the significant other/spouse as well, like yourself, because you NEVER know what you might say to trigger the person...even something completely harmless can be twisted into a perceived  attack...

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10 hours ago, XoqTionR said:

Thanks for the advice. Everyone in her life has ditched her for it. I'm not someone who quits. She also don't see I'm only person accepting and patients for her condition. Yet I'm always treated the worst. Sometimes feel taken advantage of. I'll give some of your suggestions a try. I'm always frustrated cause I feel if we concentrate on one thing we'd get it something done. 

The thing I try to tell them is don't take it personal.

However, if she isn't getting the proper help or doing the things she needs too so she isn't being horrible to you is extremely draining and unhealthy for you. She is using her mental health as an excuse to treat you poorly. I've heard to many men or women say well they can't help it the have bipolar disorder. 

I have a pretty severe case of it and I've never hit anyone or verbally abused my significant other. Don't let her do that to you it's ok to stand up for yourself man. 

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9 minutes ago, Bwestbrook36 said:

The thing I try to tell them is don't take it personal.

However, if she isn't getting the proper help or doing the things she needs too so she isn't being horrible to you is extremely draining and unhealthy for you. She is using her mental health as an excuse to treat you poorly. I've heard to many men or women say well they can't help it the have bipolar disorder. 

I have a pretty severe case of it and I've never hit anyone or verbally abused my significant other. Don't let her do that to you it's ok to stand up for yourself man. 

That's a good point. Knowing they have a problem is one thing but there is counseling and medication. If my wife weren't on her meds it gets bad. She is at least aware, has gone to counseling, reads to learn about it and find tips to manage. 

She will say how she appreciates me, apologizes later if she's been unreasonable, etc.

You can't be with someone who won't get help, it's too taxing. You'll be hurt and unhappy and then both are miserable. 

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1 hour ago, NOTW said:

That's a good point. Knowing they have a problem is one thing but there is counseling and medication. If my wife weren't on her meds it gets bad. She is at least aware, has gone to counseling, reads to learn about it and find tips to manage. 

She will say how she appreciates me, apologizes later if she's been unreasonable, etc.

You can't be with someone who won't get help, it's too taxing. You'll be hurt and unhappy and then both are miserable. 

This how I always try to carry myself and work through it as well.

My biggest symptom or behavior that I still struggle with to this day is avoiding people as much as possible. There are days that just saying "hi" to someone sucks the life out of me. Yet I work in retail lol. When I get home though it takes a good 2-3 hrs to decompress. 

That is where my relationships have failed, the not talking for hours or even days on end. I tell them not to take it personal it's just my mind needing a break.

 They can talk to me and I'll answer but, it gets to the point where they get upset that I won't text them good morning or ever text them first. That can be mentally abusive as well but, I do remind them that Im just working through a spell just give me a day or 2 to come around. I haven't met anyone that can handle that......

They just keep saying well I want to help you please let me help or they say I don't care about them. All that does is aggravate me and then I get snippy and will say something I don't want just to get them to leave me be. I always apologize and I'm always working on making sure I don't avoid talking to them for to long but, it never lasts and then they leave. 

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40 minutes ago, Bwestbrook36 said:

This how I always try to carry myself and work through it as well.

My biggest symptom or behavior that I still struggle with to this day is avoiding people as much as possible. There are days that just saying "hi" to someone sucks the life out of me. Yet I work in retail lol. When I get home though it takes a good 2-3 hrs to decompress. 

That is where my relationships have failed, the not talking for hours or even days on end. I tell them not to take it personal it's just my mind needing a break.

 They can talk to me and I'll answer but, it gets to the point where they get upset that I won't text them good morning or ever text them first. That can be mentally abusive as well but, I do remind them that Im just working through a spell just give me a day or 2 to come around. I haven't met anyone that can handle that......

They just keep saying well I want to help you please let me help or they say I don't care about them. All that does is aggravate me and then I get snippy and will say something I don't want just to get them to leave me be. I always apologize and I'm always working on making sure I don't avoid talking to them for to long but, it never lasts and then they leave. 

Self-awareness is huge.

When you are able to communicate things when you're not upset, when you're having a good day and set expectations that helps.  I'm an introvert but can be extroverted and turn that side on when I need to, but too much social activity or business meetings will drain me.  The one day I had back to back in person meetings, a team lunch, more meetings then a team happy hour.  That week there were a bunch of people from our company in town for conferences so the happy hour to say goodbye to my boss who was leaving turned into like 30 people all on a rooftop bar.  Me and 2 other introverts on our team had to leave early.  I texted my wife on the way home that I was drained and needed time to decompress after.  

I think it's fair to tell someone you want to prioritize them, want to share and listen and connect with them but also set boundaries and expectations.  Like, hey this is a bad night I'm drained but can we grab lunch tomorrow and connect?  It shows you care and want to.

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4 minutes ago, NOTW said:

I think it's fair to tell someone you want to prioritize them, want to share and listen and connect with them but also set boundaries and expectations.  Like, hey this is a bad night I'm drained but can we grab lunch tomorrow and connect?  It shows you care and want to.

I worked extremely hard on this part of it and I felt like I came a long way on it. I let her know what kind of day I was having, I pushed through a lot of my issues. 

The last relationship really did me in, I feel as though I was at my best. One day she became distant and cold . .. already knew she was cheating I've been through enough to know what it feels like. I asked her she denied it. 

Then the one day she comes to my place and says that she is leaving me because she can't deal with my bipolar issues anymore. She didn't know that I knew she was sleeping with a married man and there was no point in brining it up she already lies and she was already cheating. 

That was 5 years ago, working so hard to be a better and then have someone you love tell you they are leaving you because of your mental health really messed me up I have terrible anxiety talking to girls anymore. I'll go out on a date and immediately start freaking out that I'm gonna mess it up because of my issues. I can't function around women anymore. Well you know the other reason. 

When I'm manic I'm very quick witted, very out going and the life of the party. That's usually what attracts people to me. Unfortunately they are becoming attracted to a behavior from my mental health and the other side of it is not so pretty. 

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1 hour ago, Bwestbrook36 said:

This how I always try to carry myself and work through it as well.

My biggest symptom or behavior that I still struggle with to this day is avoiding people as much as possible. There are days that just saying "hi" to someone sucks the life out of me. Yet I work in retail lol. When I get home though it takes a good 2-3 hrs to decompress. 

That is where my relationships have failed, the not talking for hours or even days on end. I tell them not to take it personal it's just my mind needing a break.

 They can talk to me and I'll answer but, it gets to the point where they get upset that I won't text them good morning or ever text them first. That can be mentally abusive as well but, I do remind them that Im just working through a spell just give me a day or 2 to come around. I haven't met anyone that can handle that......

They just keep saying well I want to help you please let me help or they say I don't care about them. All that does is aggravate me and then I get snippy and will say something I don't want just to get them to leave me be. I always apologize and I'm always working on making sure I don't avoid talking to them for to long but, it never lasts and then they leave. 

We are very similar in a lot of ways. It is refreshing to know someone that is going through a lot of the same things that I am going through, even though I am newly diagnosed. 

While I am OK with talking to people (most of my job is talking to people) I am only really good at it when I am speaking from a position of authority. When I am unsure of myself I tend to crawl into a proverbial ball and will not talk at all. I am the worst at meeting new people or being in a group of new people because I will not engage, I will only sit back and listen. I get accused of being withdrawn or not communicating or being in my own world, but sometimes it is the only way I can cope.

I will go months without talking to my friends or my sister who I adore. I am not being malicious in any way, just because I won't. I don't know why at times.

Even today I got into an argument with my wife over something stupid that was not her fault at all, yet I lashed out at her and then retreated into my own headspace without resolving the issue. Funny thing is it wasn't until I went back into this thread and read about what some of you guys are dealing with when it comes to people with BPD and it made me upset at myself for doing this to her, so I apologized for my behavior.

I really do admire all of you who do stick around and try to help all of us that suffer from this. Not to sound condescending in anyway, as the typed word can sound that way at times, but all of you are amazing to me. I hope that your loved ones do find the help that they need. I am glad that I did and while it will be a long lifetime road, I know it will be worth it all in the end.

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42 minutes ago, pallidrone said:

I will go months without talking to my friends or my sister who I adore. I am not being malicious in any way, just because I won't. I don't know why at times.

Funny that you mentioned this. Yesterday was the first time in probably 3 months I texted my sister. It was only because our mom and dad pissed me off and she was on here way there lol. 

I told you man, I've been through all phases of this I know the ins and outs of it pretty well. I'm happy to help anyone else struggling because it can be scary sometimes. 

I didn't take what you said as condescending at all. Trust me someone being condescending will trigger a behavior fairly quickly with me. I can't stand that sheet. That or just flat out treating me like I'm stupid which is pretty common when people know about your illness.. . I have mental health issues I'm not mentally challenged... Freaking dopes lol. 

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Part of this with Lane is on us. We don't exactly show our appreciation for the people that get the job done. For instance, Lane plays at such a high level every game and we've been blessed to have such a talent on this football team ever since he was drafted but this is the first time I've ever written how much I appreciate what he does day in and day out. Lane will be a guy I remember for a long time as one of the greatest lineman we've had with JP, Runyan, Kelce and Brooks.

This year has been hard on the players because we keep saying how much the team sucks and yet the D-Line is getting it done. Certain players are getting it done. Devonta Smith is getting a pass in my book because we're seeing things out of him but he's not getting well delivered balls lately. The talent is clearly there. Quez is still ballin. Slay showin out. The secondary making plays. ICU!

If your name ain't in conversation, you're getting it done and we appreciate you!!!!

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  • 1 month later...

This should make him happy. One of the great ones, since the Philly Special.
 

 

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